By: Janine Serio
For the past 30 years (wow, funny how that sounds as you write it), I have called Baltimore my home. This is a city that I have always loved, and one that is filled with family, friends, and a lifetime of memories.
It’s HERE where I had the opportunity, and the privilege, to attend private school, buy my 1st home, have the “fairytale” Wedding, run my 1st marathon, start a business, and, above all, be able to stay closely connected to my family and friends.
This is the same city, though, that I feel has turned its back on me. I can’t explain why it feels this way BUT it just does. The city where I have laid down my “roots” for the past 3 decades feels so disjointed…and toxic.
I have gone back and forth on whether or not to press “publish” on this post. The last time I spoke on THIS it came with a lot of questions – which is totally cool – but I felt that my message was misinterpreted. I felt as though the perspective on where I am on my journey (take a peek HERE to find out exactly the journey I am referencing) was taken as me “turning my back” on the life and business I have built, and how that was going to affect EVERYONE ELSE.
After enough tossing and turning about it, I decided to put it back out there.
In one of my all time favorite movies, Sleepless in Seattle, Tom Hanks character states it best…”What I think I need is a change. A real change. Some place where I don’t think of “him” at every corner.”
Who would have thought that a movie I have seen thousands of times would be providing such wisdom and perspective for me years later?
Change is hard for me; letting others in and opening up about my feelings, and what I am going through, is hard. Why is it that, in times of heartache and sadness, we tend to push away the people (and places) who love us unconditionally, know us so well, and continue to be our biggest supporters no matter how we “show up?” I know, for me, it has become a defense mechanism; that “wall” goes up so I don’t have to experience continued heartache, sadness, and the possibility of rejection, AGAIN.
Throughout this past year – well, really, 18 months – I have seen, firsthand, how painful it can feel when your support systems (i.e. friends and even some family) have decided to “look the other way.”
I get it (I am guilty of this myself at times); in life, when we do not know “what to say” we end up saying nothing at all. I don’t view it as “right” or “wrong” but a tough lesson learned, and one that has felt like complete and utter rejection. This has been one of those “unanswered” questions I have been struggling with. I can sit here all day long and wonder “what did I do wrong” or “maybe our friendship and/or relationship wasn’t what I thought” BUT that is not what is going to help me move through this process.
So, I continue to ask myself these questions: Would a new city, with new possibilities, be the exact game changer I need to be a better version of myself? In turn, would I be a more effective leader, coach, and business owner for the 2 Health Nuts?
I don’t know what the “right” answer is, nor is this something I feel needs to be answered on the immediate. Just as we educate our clients on “trusting their process,” I have to continue to trust mine.
Until then, “I am going to get out of bed every morning; breathe in and out all day long. Then, after a while, I won’t have to remind myself to get out of bed and breathe in and out. And then, after a while, I won’t have to think about how I had it great and perfect for a while.”
Until then, I will continue to give myself a different perspective. Note: The picture, above, gives a pretty nice outlook, don’t you think? 🙂
Until then, I will keep opening myself up to new possibilities and opportunities to become a better version of my current self, and, hopefully, fall back in love with the city that I have called home my whole life!
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